I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently on the issue of repentance. After a while of constantly repenting about the same things over and over again you start to feel silly and start thinking of giving up. After much reflection, chatting with people and research, I think I’ve found out what the problem is. My focus has been wrong. Instead of repenting over the various things I do, what I should be repenting on is attempting to fulfil the underlying need outside my relationship with God. I stumbled on these underlying needs which we human beings crave for in yet another book I once read :)
- The need to be successful/significant
- The need to be loved
- The need to be respected and accepted
Most of our issues/faults/besetting sins can be traced to attempts to fulfil these needs outside our relationship with God. What I’ve been trying to do now is to change my focus. Repent not on the act but the need I am trying to fulfil and asking God to forgive me for not fulfilling that need in my relationship with him. But it takes a lot of reflection to identify the specific need one is attempting to satisfy and what circumstances bring about that need. Here’s where the root-cause-analysis comes in. One of my favourite sermons from House on the Rock was “Silent Killers” by Pastor Paul. He talks about the futility of chopping at the branches while leaving the root of the problem alive and well. After months of thinking and reflection, I think am getting a better understanding of my root. So whenever I fall I can now better analyse the situation around my fall and try to identify what underlying need am trying to satisfy.
But you know what, attacking the root is probably the hardest part because it forces you to confront things about yourself you might not be very happy about. But it’s a great journey. The voyage of self-discovery is an up-lifting experience. As you begin to understand yourself, you realise as Pastor Paul said that the fault ceases to have you but instead you have the fault i.e. you are in control.
Anyway that’s enough deep talk for now. Easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!