Reconnecting the Line

The spiritual line between God and I has been silent for a while. In church yesterday, it just hit me that I hadn’t heard from him for a while. That would explain a lot of things. I haven’t had that same level of clarity I usually enjoy when am with Him. Ive been feeling lost, confused and sad for no apparent reason. Like am lost at sea with waves battering me on every side..

That’s cos I stopped using my compass in navigating through the storms of life. I really depend on God without knowing it. When he is not around I feel it. I really am nothing without Him.

But you see I know that. So when I undergo all these periods of low spirituality, I often just think, yeah yeah, this moment will pass and my relationship with God will just get back on track. But before you know it, you start drifting away and getting farther and farther away from Him. And you know what, the farther you are away, the harder it is to get back. This is especially hard when you know God’s plans for you and you believe them. You get burdened with the guilt that you are gonna screw everything up which if the truth be told is a very clear and present danger.

I know God’s love is unquestionable and immense but how does he keep on finding it in his heart to keep taking me back. If this was a human relationship I would have been dumped a million years ago. I keep getting up and falling down. Getting up and falling down. All the time hoping I avoid God’s punishment and don’t screw up my destiny. Is this really what the rest of my life is going to be. Really?

Heavenly Father I would rather not go through this whole charade with you and just wished I was a dutiful, good, sinless xtain lad. I really wish I was. Am sorry for all the mistakes I continually make. I wish I could promise you I wont repeat them but am just a worthless sinner in need of your grace. I thank you lord for all the things you’ve done in my life. I thank you Lord for all the things you are yet to do. Please Lord I ask you to step in and save me from myself. Don’t let me pollute the blessings you have in store for me. Keep me at peace with you. Help me get back to you. Don’t let me ever leave.

Please give me a dial tone.