Holidaying on the Precipice

A book i read a while back wondered why xtains like to play around the boundaries of sin instead of fleeing from it at the 1st sign of temptation. Why do we entertain such thoughts and eventually fall. Since i started writing this blog, ive been stuck in that circle of sin - guilt - forgiveness. sin - guilt - forgiveness. sin - guilt - forgiveness. sin - guilt - forgiveness.

But i am sick and tired of being stuck in this cycle. I recently went on holiday and thought the time to breathe would be good for me to meditate and reflect on my relationship with God. Did i do any of it? No!!!! I didnt even read my bible. And this happens every time i go on Holiday.

It really is hard being holy holy holy all year round. Really really difficult. It is as if as a human being my default position is depravity and its a conscious effort to keep ones carnal nature at bay. I spose the answer is to let the Holy Ghost come in to sort it all out, but men, ive been grieving him for so long. Am tired of letting him down and not sure i should do so again for the umpteenth time.

I know am playing a dangerous game but what can i do. Ive been holidaying at the precipice long before i went on holiday. Ive been holidaying on the precipice for the most part of my life. But its a long way to fall down Lord. And despite my mistakes, i dont wanna fall. At the back of my mind i know you are the only one who can save me. Who can fix me. Who can make me whole. Help me Lord to figure this out and believe you.