Random Musings of GarageBoy

THIS IS NOT COHERENT!!!!!! JUST GO WITH THE FLOW!!!!!!!!

Am feeling strange this morning and just want to get things off my chest. I hope you can make sense of this.....

Before i start this post let me mention a few things. I hate being in a situation where am solely dependent on anyone. I hate being a victim. It should then not come as a surprise that i also cant stand dependent people or people with a victim mind-set or mentality where nothing is their fault and cant take responsibility for their actions. This people really tick me off.

Okay. So why am i starting my post with such a diatribe. Well, thats beacuse i wanna explain why i am the way i am. Not excuse it or apologise for it, but explain it. Am one of those logic people and not really high on the emotional side. You know . More left brain than right brain. Or is it right brain than left brain. Woteva. But i hope you get the drift. I see things logically and say it how i see it. I see things in a detached manner and when they come out of my mouth, sometimes they come without any sense of emotion. This seems to rub people up the wrong way. Dunno why. Am one of those people that dont understand how people are wrapped up over how they feel about something that they lose sight of the real issue. I might need to learn to be more sensitive but hey if its a dumb idea/decision it will always be a dumb idea/decision.

Apparently, this behaviour is related with a goal-oriented mindset. I am my own harshest critic. In my quest for excellence, i have set very high standards for myself. This means that i detest failure in any aspect of my life. I just can't stand it. Thats cos meeting my goals is the most important thing to me. While i dont feel the need to brag about them and let the whole world know, it matters greatly to me. Whenever am confronted with failure even in the minutest of things i go into a tailspin for days. I wont exactly call it depression but am not in the best of moods. Pls, if am moody just leave me alone. My hatred of failure has been a motivating factor for me to always be successful in whatever i do. Whether its right or wrong is open to debate.

Thats why this xtain life is hard for me. I have to be too things that i hate with a passion. Dependent on some1 else. Have to experience failure. There is no escape. And this two things come at the same time. It is at the times i experience failure, esp in my xtain life that i should go to God, but can u see my problem. I still want to do it myself. I dont wanna let go. But i need to.. To become a successful xtain will mean a serious paridgm shift in my view to life which is not going to be easy to attain. At least i now have a greater appreciation of the problem and the underlying causes. The solution. I have to keep my ego in check. Not my public ego, but my private one.

Its gonna be hard but hey wetin i for do. :)

I prob should proof read this post but i feel its best in this manner.

Easy people.

Experience II

Following from my last post on the Experience, Kirk Franklin performed "Imagine Me" which is one of my favourite songs at the moment. It encapsulates how i feel and i assume it does for many people as well. Hear are the lyrics below. Enjoy


Imagine me, loving what I see when the
Mirror looks at me ‘cause I imagine me
In a place of no insecurities
And I’m finally happy cause
I imagine me

Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
‘Cause they never did deserve me
Can you imagine me

Saying no to thoughts that try to control me
Remembering all you told me
Lord can You imagine me

Over what my mamma said
And healed from what my daddy did
And I wanna live and not read that page again

Chorus
Imagine me, being free
Trusting you totally
Finally I can…imagine me

I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
But finally I can…imagine me

Being strong and not letting people break me down
You won’t get that joy this time around
Can you imagine me

In a world where nobody has to live afraid
Because of your love fears gone away
Lord, can You imagine me

Bridge
Letting go of my past
And glad I have another chance
And my heart will dance
‘Cause I don’t have to read that page again

Vamp
Gone, gone, it’s gone, all gone

The Experience

I went to "The Experience" last Friday and it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. With all my backsliding it was the uplifting experience i craved to halt the rot. Am not very good at memorising bible verses but am better with songs. I heard this song and it touched me. Whenever u r down just replay it in your mind. Its quite relieving.

I will worship the Lord,
For He is worthy;
I will lay down my sword,
The Prince Of Peace is His name.
King of the flood,
The Lord is mighty;
The Lord can quench the evil flame.

Peace when trouble blows,
Jehovah sees, Jehovah knows;
He is my peace, when sorrow nears,
Jehovah sees, Jehovah hears.

Feel the presence of God,
Upon the water,
Hear the voice of the Lord,
Within the thunder that rolls,
King of the flood,
The Lord is mighty,
The Lord can calm the troubled soul.

Peace when trouble blows,
Jehovah sees, Jehovah knows;
He is my peace, when sorrow nears,
Jehovah sees, Jehovah hears.

Like the breath,
I need to live,
Jehovah takes, Jehovah gives;
Gives me peace,
When trouble blows,
Jehovah sees, Jehovah knows.

Judgement coming, He is my peace;
Men pursue me, He is my peace.
Judge! Judgement is coming, He is my peace;
Men pursue me, He is my peace.

Announcement

Ladies and Gentlemen. I would like to apologise for the delay in the update of my blog. This was primarily as a result of procastination and lazyness. While i cannot categorically certify that a repeat of this fiasco is unlikely, i crave your indulgence as i attempt to rectify this error and try and bring this update service back to normal.

Apologies for any incovenience caused.


Signed

Management :)